In a jiffy

Just a one shot

I was at at dinner, off the highway with my friends.

We were meeting up with my relatives from out of town; we had to show them the way to the city where I live.

"This place stinks." my sister, Samantha complained

"It actually smells like apple pie to me." I remarked cheerfully.
IT did smell like apple pie; all american living and that rot

"Hi, sorry we're late!" my neurotic Aunt Sally took turns hugging us. "Hun, ask for a table! Oh, god. It feels so confined in here. Do I look nervous? My therapist said not to look nervous in public, because it lessens how confident I look." She popped a pill in her mouth, hands shaking.

Samantha and I exchanged a look. Yup. Completely mental, that one is.

"Hun, I found a table! HUN!" Called out my Uncle Steve.
Like my Aunt Sally, he, too was out of his mind.
He didn't understand the art of normalcy; when others politely remarked on someone's weight loss, he would say "So glad you're not fat anymore! Good job!"

We all sat at the table; the menus already there.

"Yum, this omlettte looks delighful!" my Aunt said, clapping her hands.

Samantha and I exchanged another look.

"What do you want, Samantha? Porky, pork"My uncle laughed.

"Actually, I'm pregnant."

There was a silence.

"Really?" my Aunt asked.

"It only seemed logical. Me and Jim both got our degrees, and he should be starting in the firm any week now. A baby is the next step."

"Congratulations!" My Uncle Jim boomed. "You! Bus Boy, get us cake for this young woman who got herself knocked up!"

When the tall blonde turned around, me and my sister looked at each other and whispered
"He's cute."

"Yes, sir. Can I can I take your orders." Was he smiling at me??
My aunt and uncle immediatley launched into their orders, leaving me last

"I would like your banana pancakes, except without the diabetes causing hash browns and eggs, can you give me a big bowl of 'Al famous fresh fruit' leaving out the oranges. I h
ate oranges."

He smirked.

"That sounds like a serious order. I may need your number, just in case."

I nodded very seriously. "You may do. But, seeing as those frat boys are listening to every word, I'll wait until the check. See you Tom."

"How did you know my name?"

"Your name tag is one indication. Ii'm Christina."

"Enough with the flirting, bus boy! I'm hungry and we got a fat woman with a baby on the way!"

"Uncle Jim, I'm pregnant, not fat."

"It'll be out in a jiffy." I laughed."They make me say that."
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=fin-