I don't love you, but for some reason I can't leave

I don’t like you. I don’t love you but for some reason I want you around. There’s no reason why I should let you in my life again. All you do is destroy me; sweet poison. It feels great for awhile, and then everything falls apart. Yes, that is exactly what you are. Are you going to beg for me back? I left you once before. I’d like to think I broke your heart, as much as you broke mine. You called me yesterday. All I wanted to do was pick up, and tell you how much I missed you. But, I didn’t. Because I have self-control. At least I think so; at least I hope it will last. I heard rumors you met another girl. I was shattered, but accepted it as just you moving on. I met someone, as well. But, I didn’t move on. I guess first loves are hard to forget. Wait. I loved you? I never admitted that to myself, but I guess it’s true. Damn. We have the same chemistry class, and as funny fate has it- we are assigned to be partners. It took us a moment to get out of chairs, and sit beside each other. It took me two classes to say hello. On the fifth class, we were assigned a project over Jung. It was a presentation for the class as a final. A crucial part of our grade. That meant we had to work outside of class. I tried to give you my number, but you said you still have it. Is it because you wanted to call me? That’s what I wanted. We met for the project the first time at a coffee shop. It was 2 hours before class, and we were in a hurry to find a topic. Finally, we decided on relationships. Isn’t that ironic? I met her on a Monday-your new girlfriend that is. I couldn’t help but compare her to myself. She was blonde, I was a ginger. She was curvy, I am a stick. She’s beautiful, and I’m…well you thought that at one point. I want you to think that again. Why did we fall apart, I asked myself in the late of the night. What did we do wrong? We were a flawed couple, but we lasted the fights, the tension, and everything else. Did he cheat on me? He said he didn’t, but I remember the hushed phone conversations at midnight. I remember the ignored texts; he wouldn’t read until I went out of the room. The paranoia, oh the paranoia! It was horrible. Yet, I got used to it. In fact, I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t feel it. We broke up on a Thursday, a week before I was supposed to meet your parents. I didn’t scream at him, or accuse him. I simply said I wanted space. We did have space for months, until that class. You asked me out today. 8 months of us not being “together” and you asked me out. I wanted to laugh and say “I win! I win! You want me back again. “ Instead I smiled, and said yes, coffee would be great. We kissed at the end of our third date. I felt butterflies. He told me to never leave me again. I planned not to.